Monday, September 9, 2013

My Labor Story. Part II

Just before going into the labor ward, the nurse asked if I need help with the pain. I just pandang dia, biar betul minah ni OF COURSE I need help!  So she gave me Ethonox. What it is:
Ethonox, or more commonly known as laughing gas is a gas that is used to give temporary pain relief during labour. It is a mixture of nitrous oxide and oxygen. 
Ethonox is inhaled either through a mouth piece or a mask while the mother is having contractions. Ethonox eases the labour pains but does not take the pain away completely. You can have gas/air anytime you want in labour. All you need to do is bring the mask up to your face or put the mouthpiece between your lips and teeth. Keep it there as you breathe deeply and evenly. Continue to breathe deeply until you start to feel a little light headed and then take the mouthpiece/mask away from your face. It takes at least 30 seconds of breathing for ethonox to give you any benefit. Start breathing it in the second you feel a contraction start. If you wait till you are deep in contractions, the gas will take effect in between contractions. 
Ethonox has no side effects on the baby. It is also compatible with other drugs and there is no residual effect to hamper other methods of pain relief. [Source]

Let me tell you I was NOT laughing. Ethonox is such a scam, takde beza langsung! I might just have been inhaling pure oxygen because it had no effect on me whatsoever, I didn't even feel light headed or pening2! I guess it might work for some people, but not on me. It just made me angry.

Ok I have a confession to make. When I was pregnant, I decided I would have an all-natural childbirth. No drugs, no pain relief, nothing. Just childbirth the way nature intended it to be.

Yeah right Mawar.

Tak sampai berapa minit sampai hospital I was already asking the nurse for an Epidural. Yes I shamefully admit, I asked for an Epi. I have read about the risks, I read about how many women who get an Epidural end up delivering via C-sect, the back pain and headaches post-delivery, etc etc. Walaupun dah tabahkan diri sebelum labor untuk tak nak ambik apa2 pain relief pun, sepandai2 tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga. Ye saya lah tupai itu.

So the nurse told me, okay, kalau nak Epidural kene tunggu the anesthesiologist. He was busy at the moment, so they would have to page him to come and administer the drug. So I pun tunggu lah. Continue menahan sakit. They sat me down on a wheelchair and wheeled me into the labor room.

The labor room was big, and it was private. Not just anyone boleh masuk keluar, even my family members  nak masuk the midwives would check with me first whether I was comfortable to have them in. I really appreciated that. I didn't want just anyone, even family, to see me at my most vulnerable moments. The room had its own private toilet/bathroom, it was big and had a big tub macam jacuzzi untuk water birth. I did ask for a water birth but I was already too far into labor to have it. Oh well, next time maybe.

At first it was just me, Faiq and my MIL. My mum belum sampai hospital lagi masa tu. So it was the two of them who helped me through that stage of labor. The midwives recorded every contraction I had. Everytime a contraction hit me, I would put my arms around Faiq's shoulders and just let my body split into pieces (that's what it felt like anyway) and he would hold me up. Kadang2 tukar buat dekat my MIL pulak. This happened every 4 minutes, and soon every 3 minutes. It means that every 4 or 3 minutes I was asking the midwives can I please have the Epidural now?? The answer was always the same, that they have called the anesthesiologist and he would come as soon as he was done with another patient.

Masa tu tak baring atas katil pun. Berdiri atau berjalan je. I rasa macam baring lagi sakit and susah je. Ada two sofas at the side of the room so sometimes I used the sofas to sit/stand/squat in many awkward positons. I came to the hospital wearing a long sleeved shirt, but the midwives suggested I pakai short sleeve tshirt sebab senang nak cucuk ubat ke apa. I didn't bring a tshirt with me, so Faiq took off the one he was wearing and gave it to me to wear. Dia pakai jacket je. So throughout labor I wore a Marvel Avengers tshirt. Haha!

At around 6am ish my mum arrived and joined me in the labor room. I was so relieved to see her. I cried a little while I hugged her through one of my contractions. I kept telling her over and over that I'm sorry because it breaks my heart to know that she went through this pain for me, 26 years ago. This bone-shattering, body-splitting pain was the price she paid to have me, a price I will spend the rest of my life never being able to pay back.

Please appreciate your mums. No matter how crazy she might make you or no matter how you don't get along with her. Tolonglah. Hargai dan sayangi ibu anda, because nothing, absolutely nothing, can compare to the pain she went through for you, and yet she will choose to go through it a million times more if she had to, just to bring you to life.

I told Mak, I need that Epidural Mak. Kaklong tak tahan sangat2. She looked at me with a face that was trying not to look judgmental because she knew she had to be supportive of me, but I know her too well. She was totally judging me for asking for an Epi. Takpe ah biar la Mak nak fikir apa, janji this pain would go away. Tunggu lagi. Still no anesthesiologist.

Soon after that the midwives asked me to get on the bed. Bukan untuk baring. Kepala katil tu dinaikkan, so I was in a position where I was on my knees on the bed and holding on to the bar at the head of the bed. So pusing pandang dinding belakang katil. I don't know if you can imagine it or not. It felt weird at first but it really helped pushing during a contraction, in that position.

My water bag burst not long after that. What I felt after that was MORE intense pressure on my cervix (if that was even possible, after everything that I was already feeling down there). Rasa macam nak kene teran sangat dah. One of the midwives gently asked me, "Feel like you're ready to push yet, love?".

With one hand holding on to the bed bar, and the other on Faiq's reassuring hand, I begin to push.

(continued in Part III)

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

My Labor Story. Part I

Sunday. 11 August 2013. 

It was a few days after Raya. 4th day of Syawal, actually. 2 days before my estimated due date. My in laws were in Melbourne to celebrate Raya with us, and also to see the baby. Only, the baby didn't seem to be in a rush to see anyone. My in laws were due to fly back to Malaysia tomorrow, yet still no baby... diorang redha kalau tak dapat jumpa yet, nak buat macam mana kan? Tapi still sedih la, tak dapat jumpa cucu lagi until tak tau bila they would be in Melbourne next.

At this point I was like, "Ahh sure overdue one, but at least I get to choose a date to be induced right?". So that day while Faiq brought his parents and brother to the city for some last minute shopping, I went out for a heavy lunch with my parents and grandparents. Siap makan steak kalau tak salah.

That night, Faiq slept early as usual, sebab dia kerja the next day. I went to sleep about 11pm, after watching Prison Break online. Haha. Time ni both Faiq and I were on Prison Break marathons, almost every night tengok a new episode. We both love that show no matter how many times we've watched it. 

Monday. 12 August 2013.

Anyway, around 1:00am I terbangun, sakit perut nak gi toilet. After that, went back to bed. About 10 or 15 minutes later, sakit perut lagi. Pergi toilet lagi. Geram je rasa, sebab baru 2 jam tidur. In my head I was like, "Mesti the food that I ate masa lunch, menyesal sangat. Kan dah cirit birit." Lepas 4 kali pergi balik toilet macam tu, the pain got a bit worse. Then baru terfikir, OMG contractions kot? Kejut Faiq.

"Yang. Sakit perut lah. Dah 4 kali gi toilet buang air besar."

Mata dia still tutup. "You makan apa tengah hari tadi?"

"Steak. But I don't think ni sakit perut food poisoning la.. I think I'm getting contractions."

Terus mata dia terbeliak. "You sure? Nak gi hospital now tak?"

"Tak tau lah. Sakit perut lain macam. Call hospital dulu lah, see what they say."

He called the hospital, they have a 24 hour maternal healthcare emergency line where you can ask anything at all about your pregnancy or labor. He told the nurse, I think my wife's in labor. She asked how many minutes apart and if it is my first pregnancy. He said they're about 10 - 11 minutes apart, and yes first baby. 

Nurse tu suruh relax dulu kat rumah (RELAX?! That is the worst advice to give a woman in labor!) because baru 10 minutes apart, first baby would take HOURS of labour, maybe 10 hours or more, try get some rest dulu, take a warm bath, walk around. Come to the hospital only when contractions are 4 minutes apart or less. He said ok, thank you, while I tried to imagine 10 hours of being in constant pain. 

I told Faiq that we should time the contractions. So I whipped out my phone and opened up the Baby Bump app (used this throughout my 9 months, I just love this app) where there is a contraction timer. I tried to go to sleep, because if I really am in labor I need to restore some energy for later. After closing my eyes for a few minutes, it became imminent that sleep would be impossible. The pain that hit me every few minutes was too great to ignore while asleep.

I told Faiq to sleep, but he wanted to keep me company while I timed the contractions. Setiap kali datang sakit, tekan screen phone. Habis sakit, tekan balik. Masa awal2 start timing, it was about 12 minutes apart and lasting for 1 and a half minutes. Very quickly it became 7 minutes apart. Then 6 minutes. Then pergi toilet lagi, baru realized that my underwear was a bit bloody. The mucus plug had come out (this is what is called the "bloody show", literally). Okayyyy, I definitely was gonna have this baby soon.

At one point, I felt sooo nauseous. Loya teramat sangat, cepat2 pergi toilet and muntah. I've never muntah like that in my life, man. Even masa pregnant tak muntah macam tu. It was alot and it was all over the toilet. My sweet, sweet, husband cleaned it all up after I was done, even though I know the smell and sight of it made him nak termuntah jugak. Lepas tu I sempat Google, 'is vomiting a sign of labor?'. Yes it is. (I Google almost everything just to give myself peace of mind)

All I felt was pain. Sakit. Sakit gila. The pain makes me want to rebah my whole body on the ground, but at the same time rasa macam nak buang air besar. I stood up and walked around the room. I leaned on the wardrobe. Baring. Duduk. Diri balik. No matter what position I was in, every time a contraction hit, the pain was intense and I could not even open my eyes while it came.

At 3:50am, the contractions were coming almost every 4 minutes. I told Faiq, I tak tahan dah, we got to go to the hospital NOW. Faiq was in panic mode, he tried to keep it together but he was so gelabah... putting my hospital bag in the car pun dia macam blurr gila. By this time his parents and brother pun dah bangun and anxious. Sempat ke tak nak jumpa cucu and niece ni? Padahal they had to be at the airport at 11:00am. I didn't plan what to wear to the hospital, I just wore what I wore to bed. Sarung tudung bibik je. Selalunya Faiq sangat menyampah when I wear that tudung but this time he didn't even blink. I got in the car, and my MIL pun ikut sekali.

We reached the hospital about 4:45am. Sampai2 the emergency department, we had to wait like 5 minutes for the triage nurse to attend to me. I got upset, because whaddehell its the emergency department kenapa takde orang dekat counter?? 5 minutes felt like 5 hours to me, because my contractions were so bad and so near. I had a hard time standing up. When the nurse finally showed up, I went in and she checked my blood pressure while contraction after contraction hit me. She made me lie down to check my dilation and effacement. I was 4cm dilated, and fully effaced.

After checking baby's heartbeat with the fetal monitor, I was soon wheeled into the labor room.

(continued in Part II)

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

If you're wondering, yes I have given birth. ;)

I saved this picture under "drafts" for a few weeks now. The title was supposed to be, "Natural Ways to Induce Labor" sebab masa tu dah 38, almost 39 weeks pregnant and I really thought I was going to be overdue. So gambar tu masa Faiq teman I pergi berjalan (4 kilometres ok!) sebab orang kata, untuk nak cepatkan bersalin, elok banyak berjalan.

In that post I was going to say, I dah try macam2 petua yang orang kata bagus untuk induce labor naturally. Makan bende pedas, banyak berjalan, massage, sex... semua tak menjadi. Time tu la. Pastu tak sempat publish pun post tu.

My EDD (estimated due date) was on 13 August, but my baby girl ikut Abah dia, sangatlah punctual rupanya, she arrived safely on the morning of the 12th August. Alhamdulillah. 39 weeks and 6 days. :) Skarang dah 24 days old!

She's sleeping on my chest now (tak nak tidur cara lain) so I'm typing with one hand which makes typing really awkward. Will write about my birth experience later!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Selamat Hari Raya!!

Maaf zahir & batin dari kami bertiga (:

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

37 weeks now!!

Yes I knowww, I was supposed to update about our first month here in Melbourne but I guess I got distracted, everything here is still new to me and adjusting is not as immediate as I hoped it would be. Everything else could be put on hold, but this baby is definitely coming along Inshallah!

I am now in my 37th week of pregnancy and dah tak sabar nak give birth because it's soooo tiring ya Allah! The bloggers that I follow yang pregnant lebih kurang sama time macam I, semua beranak awal (around 37 - 38 weeks) and their babies pun size comel2 je, dalam 2.3kg - 2.8kg.

BUT not me! I am not showing any signs of popping yet, but my baby is growing into epic proportions! Alhamdulillah. It means she's healthy, no? I went for a final ultrasound last week and the doctor cakap wow this baby is big, she's already 3.4kg and will continue to grow bigger until birth. Mashallah. My glucose levels semua ok, normal, so it means I've been eating well (not over eating ke apa) so it's just my baby's genetics.

Mak I tengah memaksa minum air akar Fatimah (tastes like wood) to help stimulate contractions. Hopefully it works.

This was at 34 weeks!!
Anyway, here's what's been happening to me:

  1. Uncomfortable sleep. I wake up every other hour to adjust my position (or risk cramps or back pain) and to go to the toilet to pee.

  2. Speaking of sleep, Faiq doesn't get much either thanks to my snoring which is now of epic surround sound. Baby pushing on diaphragm.

  3. Walking or sitting upright will cause me to be headbutted in the bladder, hence the urge to pee every 5 minutes.

  4. Walking also gives me pelvic pain plus I look like a deranged penguin waddling around, holding up my tummy with both hands for support.

  5. I have a map of the lost city of Atlantis engraved on my tummy and sides (dark, angry stretch marks).

  6. When baby moves, it is visible through three layers of my clothing (it's winter). Imagine what my tummy feels from inside.
Doakan I have a safe and easy labour soon please guys! Thanks! :)

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

33 weeks and a bit about maternity care here.

I went for a checkup at the GP today. Baby is a good size and healthy Alhamdulillah, very responsive to touch and has a nice steady heartbeat. Dah semakin turun ke bawah dari last week as well! Kepala dah further down my pelvis. Lepas 30 weeks, kene pergi jumpa GP every week until I give birth Inshallah, to monitor both baby and me. My bp je rendah sikit, 90/60 but as long as baby is healthy I don't care about anything else.

Muka kene minum air gula for glucose test

Maternity care here in Melbourne works differently from Malaysia. Kat sini, to get an obstetrician at the hospital kene ada referral letter from a GP (macam nak enrol university ke apa). So once you're pregnant, you'll need to see a GP from any clinic and the doctor will confirm your pregnancy, and fax a referral letter to the hospital. Sometimes you can choose which hospital, but most of the time dia ikut kawasan mana address rumah. I got referred into the Royal Women's Hospital, Alhamdulillah. It's a specialist hospital for women and babies.

Royal Women's Hospital, Melbourne

So after dah dapat referral, they conduct what is called 'Shared Maternity Care'. So I don't necessarily see just one doctor the entire duration of my pregnancy, but a team of doctors and midwives. GP pun still maintain jumpa, so kadang2 kene pergi clinic jumpa GP, and sometimes pergi hospital untuk jumpa doctor or midwife. Kalau malas nak pergi all the way to the hospital and wait for your turn pun, boleh choose to go to a community health centre which is still run by Royal Women's, but at least it's closer to where we live and I don't have to wait so long.

We haven't had to pay a single cent for any of my doctor visits. Alhamdulillah. Consultation, blood tests, ultrasounds, urine tests, etc, semua free either in hospitals or normal clinics. We both have a Medicare card, which is a government health benefit (kalau takde private health insurance) which we can use at most clinics and hospitals, and the cost is totally covered by the government. Everyone in Australia is eligible for Medicare, and you only get taxed for it if your annual income lebih daripada $80,000 setahun.

So yeah. That's a bit about the healthcare system and the maternity care over here. I'm hoping to update about our first month here in the next post Inshallah. Later!

Monday, June 24, 2013

The Importance of a Mother's Kiss

This isn't a proper blog update, but I just felt like I have to share this will all mothers/mothers-to-be. 

Importance of a Mother's kiss: Babies crawl around in filthy environments, yet their immune systems are not fully developed. When a mother kisses her baby, she gets a sample of whatever dirt is on the baby's skin. Her immune system analyzes it for pathogens, and the next day she produces breast milk specially tailored to kill whatever the baby was crawling around the day before.

Subhanallah. :)

Monday, June 3, 2013

The Day We Left

Dear Baby, you're almost 31 weeks now and kicking me constantly and vigorously. Your Abah likes to put his face on my tummy and feel you kick/punch his cheek. Hehe. Kadang2 boleh nampak perut gerak2, entah apa laa yang you buat dalam tu sayang. Practice breakdancing kot.

Anyway, I never told you the story about the day we left Malaysia. 31st March 2013. Exactly one year on that date, your Abah and I got engaged. It was also my 26th birthday that day. :) A very memorable date for us, it is. 

Our flight to Melbourne was about 12 ish noon that day, so by 9:30am dah gerak pergi airport. Sebelum gerak pergi airport tu belum emo lagi, still kelam kabut and rushing to pack the boxes and bags in the car. But sempat tangkap last picture at the Subang house:

Last pic at your Abah's family house in Subang.

Sampai2 airport, a few of our friends dah arrive dulu. Sebak sangat tengok kawan2 yang datang all the way, sacrificing their precious Saturday just to say goodbye to us. We can't thank you enough and we'll always remember they did this for us. Much love to Su, Syar, Nads, El, Mel, Fad, Syam, Jas, Mirus, Leez, Isyraq, Daush, Fuad, Fira & Chal. Fira and Chal siap dah pergi KLIA then realized that we were actually in LCCT, so pusing balik. Such lovely friends we have Mashallah. :')

At the airport

My Ragamuffins sending us off

Part of the UiTM gang that came

Darling Leez, who arrived 3 minutes before I left. Miss you so much.

We both cried on the plane. Your Abah especially. It's not going to be an easy journey, migrating to an alien country to start from scratch with hardly any money and no jobs lined up. But your Abah and I both believe that rezeki ada dekat mana2 Inshallah, and the reason we do this is for you sayang, for a better future for you and our family. Even Rasullullah s.a.w. berhijrah to Madinah in search of a better life. May we find a better life here as how our Rasul s.a.w. found his. Ameen.

Meanwhile, welcome to Melbourne. :)

Friday, May 31, 2013

I'm back!!

Ok, ok. I get the hint.

Assalamualaikum everyone!! There are a few differences since the last time I updated this blog, which are:
  1. I am now living in a different country/continent.
  2. My tummy (and baby) have grown in epic proportions.
  3. People are probably mad at/given up on me for not updating this blog for so long.
Sooooo many things have happened in the span of 2 months Mashallah. It has been a tough but still amazing journey so far, but I don't intend to update everything in one blog post.

Right now I tengah tunggu delivery man hantar katil kat rumah (selama ni tidur atas tilam atas lantai je, imagine mak buyong 7 bulan ni atas lantai...) so look out for another post later Inshallah. :)

Friday, March 8, 2013

Baby's First Clothes!

Ok actually bukan technically first clothes, sebab your Abah and I dah belikan you these masa our honeymoon haritu:

But since you will be born in Melbourne during winter Inshallah, we need warmer clothes for you. Memang plan nak beli once dah dekat sana, but if semua benda beli kat sana koyak la wallet kan.. haha.. so I bought you some clothes from Uniqlo sebab they have HEATTECH (heat technology) to keep you extra warm.

On sale tadi kebetulan, 4 pairs for RM35.80 semua sekali. Rezeki you la baby! Alhamdulillah.

I wish I could buy everything I saw, semua comel2 gilaaa!! The other day I jalan2 with Auntie Mello and saw the cutest hoodie with animal ears at H&M. Nasib baik tak terbeli. Yet. Hehehe.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Talking to belly before falling asleep

That's your Abah's hands on my belly. He fell asleep while rubbing it, he does this all the time because he loves you so much sayang. (: Hope you are comfortable in there. I know it's going to get very cramped for you soon.

It's 11:40pm and I can't fall asleep yet. We just got back from your Uncle Fiqi's birthday dinner at Seoul Garden so I am too full to sleep!

Your Abah had a long day though. Dia kerja, plus pergi Court pagi tadi. Esok pagi dia kene pergi Court lagi, kesian dia.

This is my first week unemployed. Tak kerja dah, nak get ready for the move hujung bulan ni Inshallah. 

Ok I'm going to try to go to sleep now. 

Monday, March 4, 2013

17 weeks, Mashallah

Hello sayang, that is you at 17 weeks! Mashallah how big you've grown. 

Perut you buncit macam perut Mummy laaaa hehehe... but that is my fault, because I have been eating everything in excess!

Your Abah is convinced that you're a girl, and I kind of think you might be a boy, but masa doctor nak scan haritu, you malu2 pulak tak nak bukak kaki. Pemalu rupanya. 

Well whichever gender you are, I'm so thankful and happy that you are growing healthily Alhamdulillah. (:

Oh by the way please don't move around so much you are giving me cramps, thanks! 

Friday, February 8, 2013

Comfortable shoes for Pregnancy

Sejak your Abah found out that I was pregnant with you, he straight away said to me, "No more wearing heels." Alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! :( I'm a short girl, I need my extra height! 

Tapi its true, heels are dangerous for pregnant women because you can trip and fall, and especially in the 1st trimester this is extra dangerous because you risk miscarriage and because your feet need to support the extra weight and take the strain off your back.

My mum told me to invest in a good pair. "Kalau sebelum ni asyik beli kasut tinggi2 yg mahal, boleh je beli satu kasut flats yg elok." Ok fine mak good point. So I went looking for a good pair of shoes. 

Your Abah suggested that I get Crocs because they are popular for being comfortable. Yeah tapi they are also popular for being UGLY! Haih. Mula2 memang tak nak Crocs. Tapi I just went into the kedai Crocs anyway. Tengok2. And memang ugly. Semua I tak suka.

But then. I tried on a pair, called Melbourne Rx. OMG sedaaaaaaaaaap macam rasa nak terbang ke angkasa dan kembali (I love that song by Diandra Arjunaidi btw). Tapi memang buruk. Dan mahal. It's RM249. Tapi sedap sangat2, I tried a few other pairs and they didn't feel as great as the Melbourne Rx. What's good about it is that the upper cover is stretchable so nanti later on in the pregnancy if my feet swell, Inshallah they will still fit.

I needed kasut yang boleh pakai casual, but also a pair which I could wear to work. I don't have enough money to buy two different pairs (one casual and one work) but I think I can get away with wearing the Melbourne Rx to work. It's black, and it's close-toed so nak masuk Court pun boleh kot. 

So I beli je la. I am now RM249 poorer but whatever it takes for you, my baby sayang. If I need to get short and comfortable and ugly for your safety, so be it.

If you guys wanna know more about the shoe I got, here it is:

  • Enhanced arch support.
  • Take from home to work to play in comfort and style.
  • Stretchy textile upper offers roomy expandable forefoot.
  • Croslite AG+™ material insole for shock absorption.
  • Heel cup is designed to cradle the heel for better support.
  • Reduced footbed nubs lessen chance of irritation.
  • Non-marking Croslite™ material outsole.
  • Easy to clean and odor-resistant.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Masalah Berdengkur!

Ok I have a confession. I am a snorer. Tak sah kalau tidur, tak kisah la malam ke siang ke... mesti berdengkur. I warned your Abah before we got married that I snore when I sleep, just to prepare him for it... but I don't think he prepared for how loud I actually am!

Masa awal2 kahwin (eh actually skarang still awal pun) he couldn't sleep at night. Kesian sangat. He would bangun and suruh I tukar position tidur, or put a pillow on my face. I felt so bad that I even went to the doctor to ask what I could do to stop snoring. Doctor tu kata, my tonsils are big. So unless I have surgery to remove my tonsils, memang I akan sentiasa berdungkur time tidur.

Alhamdulillah slowly your Abah got used to me sounding like a jackhammer at night. But now that I'm pregnant, I'm louder than ever!! I've read before that snoring becomes a thing during pregnancy. It's because of the hormones and increased levels of estrogen in the body. These hormones can cause swelling and puffiness in body tissues, including the nasal passages and throat. ALSO, it is likely because of weight gain. Which is normal part of pregnancy.

Rasa bersalah sangat dengan your Abah, but what to do? You're growing so fast in my tummy sayang, you're only 13 weeks but Ya Allah I look almost 20 weeks. Cuba chill skit please, your Abah and I need our sleep. (:

Thursday, January 31, 2013

12 weeks preggers dan update terpanjang di dunia.

Salam all! Wahh it's been quite a while since I last updated this blog... 6 weeks to be exact! This is my first entry for 2013! Eiii pemalas la kau ni Mawar. Well I am now 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant, Alhamdulillah. Not much has happened lately and maybe that's why I macam malas gilaaa nak update, but today I felt like I should. :) 



My last doctor's appointment was on the 8th of January. Masa tu 9 weeks, I think. But the both of us saw a baby's shape instead of a kacang like before! And the most amazing thing, we saw the baby's arms moving up and down! :') Mashallah. It was an overwhelming feeling. Coz sebelum ni terbayang just a small bean or nut growing inside me, so when I see that it's a real, growing, tiny human being.. I felt so blessed, and proud. We made that. Faiq and I made that! With Allah's blessings, of course. I love going through these milestones.

Now at 12 weeks and 3 days, I am at the end of my 1st trimester. Syukur sangat2, it hasn't been as bad as I heard it would be and definitely not as bad as I expected it to be. Dah a few weeks tak rasa loya or mual, smells don't bother me much anymore, and I can eat normally again.

I don't know if I'm a normal size for 12 weeks.. my tummy looks like I'm 4 months pregnant or more! Ke tu sebab I memang gemuk? Hahaha.. Well whatever it is I just hope the baby is healthy and growing according to schedule. I can't button my jeans anymore!! :( I live in oversized cotton pants (Faiq calls them seluar goyang2) and maxi skirts now. And flat shoes. Memang since day 1 pregnant I dah dipaksa simpan heels 4 inci dan pakal kasut flat buruk. Sigh. Haritu at H&M I saw cute maternity jeans, I might have to buy those soon. Tak lah mahal sangat, about RM140.

I'm getting used to the fact that my tummy is now public property. Semua orang yang jumpa I, mesti nak gosok, usap, pegang, poke, kiss or hug my perut. My husband can't stop rubbing my belly, dia kata dia geram. I find this cute. :) Tapi the other day, I went to a friend's wedding, and  I met people that I haven't seen in YEARS but they still pegang2 perut I without even asking? I'm actually really ok with people wanting to touch my belly, I faham, it's amazing to know that there is a tiny human incubating in there and meeting pregnant women is a joy because you feel happy for them, tapi kalau rasa macam kita ni tak kawan rapat sangat ke apa, boleh tak tanya dulu sebelum tenyeh perutku? It would be nice to be respected.

It's nice to know that strangers can still be courteous. Haritu naik LRT a few times, everytime masuk train mesti ada orang nak bagi tempat duduk. Sangat terharu. I hope Malaysians never lose this common courtesy, it really does make people's day.


Angah, who studies veterinary medicine in Yogyakarta, was back in Malaysia for 2 weeks in December. Masa tu, my brother Adam pun came back from Melbourne, so it was the first time since the wedding that all 7 of us were together. It was wonderful. I miss them all so much.

Adam baru balik Melbourne 2 days ago, after 2 months here. Skolah dah start balik. He'll only be 18 this March but dah gatal nak kahwin his long-term gf. Bagus la I guess. Dari other guys who just want to date girls without actually wanting to marry any of them. Baik kahwin dari buat dosa. 

My youngest bro Yusuf just turned 11 years old last week. He grew up pretty fast because the gap between him and Adam is 8 years (and he's 15 years younger than me) so he didn't have time to be a proper kid. Although he's so mature and advanced for his age, kadang2 dia tunjuk ragam jugak coz dia manja, and kitorang slalu lupa dia masih budak sebenarnya.. he's such a genius, too. I don't know any kids his age who is as smart as he is.

My other sister Maryam is doing her Architecture degree now and it's hard to see her coz when I go back to my parents' house on the weekends she's always in the studio, ada submission la crit la archi fest la. Archi students are so obsessed with themselves! Haha.. She recently got a bit of good news Alhamdulillah so we'll see how that goes. :)

My parents are still desperately trying to sell the house, so that they can all finally move to Melbourne. Masalah dengan tanah kat Kuang tu, area tu market price sangat tinggi, tapi for that price orang yang ada duit nak beli tak nak duduk so far out from the city. Kalau you guys tau sapa2 yang nak beli tanah 2 ekar in Kuang, siap dgn 2 rumah bunglow, pokok2 buah yang dah matang and ada pond + 2 perigi, pleeeeeeeeeeeease let me know.

My in-laws have been great as usual, they always have been so kind and generous to me. I'm going to miss them so much when Faiq and I move. I even told Ibu to extend her stay when she comes to Melbourne nanti time I tengah pantang. To have Mak and Ibu with me would be so wonderful.

The Move

Inshallah, Faiq and I will be moving to Melbourne very soon. Not because I don't love Malaysia, I do, it's a beautiful country and I love the food and the shopping and the friends I have here, but I don't like how it's run, I don't like the crime rate, and I don't like that there is no quality of life. I'm not giving up my Malaysian citizenship and I will make sure my child will also be a Malaysian. Kita nak berhijrah to search for a better life, Inshallah, and we're hoping we will find that in Melbourne. Nabi s.a.w. pun dulu left his beloved Mekah, to move to Madinah, because life is better for him there.

I know it's going to be very hard to leave everything here and start from scratch over there, but I have faith that rezeki ada mana2 di bumi Allah and with help from my family kat sana, we should be alright. Tak lah papa kedana, tapi mungkin tak hidup as comfortable as we are used to here. Who knows in time it will get even better. 


Ugh. Work. Where do I even start.. work has been something I dread waking up to on the weekdays. Dulu, suka jugak la jadi lawyer ni. Exciting. Tapi skarang, asyik jadi hamba kepada client, boss bising suruh kejar deadline, etc... Especially now being pregnant I shouldn't be stressed out with work. I dah tender tho, my last day is on the 28th of Feb. A month more to go.

I will try to update more often from now on Inshallah. Just been taking things slow and enjoying our last few months in Malaysia. :)

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